content warnings: sexual trauma, fetishization of high schoolers, discussion of pornography tropes and exploitation, probably sexual assault mentions and themes of sex slavery, de-personalization and dissociation pretty likely
[ She shouldn't be alive. She knows this. It's wrong - she knows now that she killed Karen and should be dead for that. And yet here she was, returning from the trial room with everyone else, awkwardly silent. Once they're out of there she makes herself scarce, mumbling about going to her room before bolting. She can't face them all right now, not like this.
Her head is a mess. She's worried about what they all think of her now. She's worried about Bria and what she just did to save her. But most of all...
...why isn't SHE back yet? DOC's incentive is over, everyone else has what they lost back, but not her. No matter how much she calls to HER, she can't hear HER at all. She tries to keep herself calm, maybe this mysterious connection just can't be repaired so easily once severed, that could be all it is.
Or maybe SHE's... gone. In the other sense.
She tries very hard not to let that thought drive her insane.
She stays alone in her room for a while, ignoring any knocks on her door. Hiding in here is no different than what she's done this whole time, hiding her true nature from them, so why not continue to hide? Hide the truth of her sorrow, of why she snapped last night. She's a fake person with fake memories and fake emotions, how could they even begin to understand if she tried to explain? So she should continue to hide, keep her secrets to herself, even if they're killing her inside--
...oh. Except she hasn't fully kept them to herself has she?
"You should tell him. Because this is eating you up inside, it's destroying you dear, please just tell someone--"
...
Maybe it's time to actually heed that advice.
Shakily she forces herself out of bed and then out of her room once she makes sure the coast is clear. She goes looking for him: the only person she's told any of her secrets to. And when she finds him, where ever he might be, her voice is soft as she calls to him.
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trial 5 aftermath
Her head is a mess. She's worried about what they all think of her now. She's worried about Bria and what she just did to save her. But most of all...
...why isn't SHE back yet? DOC's incentive is over, everyone else has what they lost back, but not her. No matter how much she calls to HER, she can't hear HER at all. She tries to keep herself calm, maybe this mysterious connection just can't be repaired so easily once severed, that could be all it is.
Or maybe SHE's... gone. In the other sense.
She tries very hard not to let that thought drive her insane.
She stays alone in her room for a while, ignoring any knocks on her door. Hiding in here is no different than what she's done this whole time, hiding her true nature from them, so why not continue to hide? Hide the truth of her sorrow, of why she snapped last night. She's a fake person with fake memories and fake emotions, how could they even begin to understand if she tried to explain? So she should continue to hide, keep her secrets to herself, even if they're killing her inside--
...oh. Except she hasn't fully kept them to herself has she?
"You should tell him. Because this is eating you up inside, it's destroying you dear, please just tell someone--"
...
Maybe it's time to actually heed that advice.
Shakily she forces herself out of bed and then out of her room once she makes sure the coast is clear. She goes looking for him: the only person she's told any of her secrets to. And when she finds him, where ever he might be, her voice is soft as she calls to him.
Scared. ]
Astarion...?